(at at at at at) at night.

today, you see one long wordy post omg.

today, it's day 'n' n that's stuck in my head. oh, and that v ___ t. swift song.
can't believe i actually wrote the whole song down without stopping and leaving spaces between each word for the whole of maths or something. yup, free period.

i actually owe a lot of apologies.
neway. long day @ school, can't believe they extended wed's curriculum. till bloody TWO.
have one essay and two maths worksheets on hand, i actually have the drive to complete them tonight but first i need to computer-crazy finish first, though there's nothing to computer-crazy about.

in actual fact, i have the driiiiive to do everything now. put you down, put everything down, pick, buck up on my studies and. etc. ya. i remembered what i promised form 'cher during meet-parents and lim say chionh plus dad were there to witness. i can't back out.
(know how hard it is to realise you can't let your teachers down, parents down, friends down?)

kfc with (clique-bin+enabelly & xinhui) for lunch lah. i need to stop eating.
neway. i apologise cuz i was pretty out. im sorry. i fucked up man sorry.
off to P's for my fbts and ended up at tiong with her cuz i needed the toilet and she needed to return a rented disc. ramen girl. i thought was jap but it's angmoh man. guai one.
ended up at her place after that again, trying to do maths. did three or four qns but gave up. got teevee. temptations.
watched, talked about the naggy taiwan show. ahh...
finally let go. i mean really let go. but obviously i picked up from where i let off lah -.-
i thank this girl man. i thought i had to keep it to myself forever. very, very stressful i know.

she ordered no crying so there was no crying. overally it was great.. literally. though a bit hard to actually say it out at times.
was pretty stomach-turned-upside-down though. know that want-to-throw-up-don't-want-to-throw-up feeling? yeah that.

i need to go. thank you baby. sorry, darlings. i love you all man.
i need to buck up.

(toss and turn, i stress my mind/ looking for peace but see, i don't attain)

(what i need for keeps; the silly game we play, now madness to magnet keeps attracting me)

(try to run but see im not that fast, think im first but sure to finish last.)

(hold the phone, solo doe low, on the move, but can't shake the shade)

(the feelings had are through, through, through)

(seemingly alive though undoubtedly blue, blue, blue)

(smokes a clip, then on my way in search of)

(i see your face, you're oh haunting me, my weakness)

do you know what it feels like being alone

ignore title, that song's been on my mind for infinitely long and was just trying to get it out.
anyway, finally got round to locating report book and packing bag. damn, it's not signed.
i don't want any relief teacher, i want mrs lui. *bursts into tears (BOOM)*
yes, math's done halfway and english compo not touched at all.
i don't get the timetable they put up at the school site thus aren't going to bring anything tomorrow, apparently it seems like not a lot of people knows about it.
so prolly won't get into much trouble what tsk.

emotions they stir the sun is gone the night is long and i am left while the tears fall
my heart is crushed by a former le can you help me find a way to carry on again
dreams cast into the sky im moving on sweet beginnings do arise she knows I was wrong
the notes are old they bend they fold and so do i to a new love

okay not bad, not bad at all now it's no longer stuck in my head.
actually, going back to school's a good thing; finally seeing people i miss like fuckloads.
i think im going to try getting sleep now. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

(maybe i shall try censoring myself.)

CHU MEN HUI BEI FINE IF YOU QUARANTINE.

SUCHING SAYS IF YOU KENA QUARANTINE THEN GO OUT, WILL TIO FINE.
BETTER DON'T GO OUT SIA.
i think i'll ask mommy to give me mask tomorrow so i can show off in school. just like what i did in school during the SARS period.

OKAY BYEBYE YOU BITCH. JUST HANG UP.

i thought.

okay last minute rush rush rush before school starts in exactly 10 hours and 25 minutes; the time's 10.20pm now okay so that means yes, i was counting.
anyway i hope someone turns up at school kind of sick so we all get to go home early and have one more week of school holidays.
does no one good, but then everyone wants it so why not.

okay last minute text to enquire about what to bring tomorrow.
shock, shock. anyone knows that the new timetable's on the school web? shock, shock, shock. how come nobody told me.
my skirt died on me man. nothing is going okay now and im pissed like shit.
(can i slit my wrists so i don't have to go to school tomorrow.)

the (_____) timetable thing doesn't work with me. great.

you know i don't give a fuck so here we go

(JUNE 24'S): updated, new photos from danielle, viewed, screamed at and edited v v much :')

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=84684&id=669774034&l=7c8fb6f7e6

(MOECO'S): updated, new photos found :D:D

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=84668&id=669774034&l=8c1575b202


shit cramps. wait wait wait wait wait wait.

i can see your face on the telephone, on the telephone, on the telephone. yes im still on the whole singing thing heeeee suting knows!

i can lead the nation with a microphone, i can split the atom of a molecule.

my file is a m e s s. i need to clear it up, later.

edit\

i give up man. my nose don't take dust, dust is what collects on the file after you leave it in one corner for one month of school vacation- btw, what am i supposed to bring tmr, lots and lots of books meh?

why?

still couldn't sleep. danielle, i koped notes from your friend's friend's fb man.
-
Pick 8 random friends you feel comfortable around. (including yourself for number 4).
1- xinhui
2- peishan
3- suting
4- weixian (as in ME.)
5- danielle
6- bombom? (was referring to phone contacts. random.)
7- amanda (affilates)
8- helena (affilates)

These eight people you just picked are stuck in a house with you for a whole year. There is no leaving the house at all until the year is completely up. If you had to choose a person for every question below, write down which person it would be.

There are four rooms, who would be in each room?
room 1 - peishan, suting.
room 2 – amanda, helena
room 3 – danielle, xinhui.
room 4 - weixian.
*bom's in the toilet. don't worry he'll be fine there's a endless supply of water. :')

If there was someone singing in the morning who would it most likely be?
danielle

If someone was considered the dad and the mom of the house, who would it be?
xinhui and... someone who's not disoriented i guess?

If you wanted candy really badly and all of the 7 in the house had some, who would you take it from?
bom. sibling priviledges. won't you, sweet. :')

If someone had to watch you brush your teeth (every) morning, who would it be?
bom. he's living in the toilet.

There was two bags of chips bought at the store, but 20 minutes later they are gone. Who ate them?
bom, suting, danielle or me. sorry, just flashed my mind.

Who would hate being in the house the most ?
me. i need to sleep and it'll be too noisy.

Someone took (brand spanking new) pair of socks that were never worn, who is the thief
who would want to wear socks in the house? the rat took it.

Someone swept all the dirt under the rug, who was it?
danielle. :')

If there was arguments in the house, who would be the ones arguing?
danielle and bom. or suting and bom. or oh, me and bom.

Who would be the one missing their boyfriend/girlfriend that wasn’t in the house with them
bom. and helena

You walked downstairs in the middle of the night for a glass of water, and see someone dancing on the table in their leopard thong. Who is the perverted one?
bom man. sleeping in the toilet finally got to him

A pillow fight broke through, who started it?
suting. or amanda. :)

Theres a marathon of your favorite tv show, what is it and who would be watching it with you?
zack and cody. nobody would watch it man.

Someone made a fort in the laundry room, who was the kid?
suting. or me :)

There’s a prankster in the house that put plastic on the two toilets in the house, who are the pranksters?
bom and bom.

The musics too loud, who turned it up?
me.

Theres a mouse crawling on the floor all over the house,
a) who is the first one to scream? peishan, suting, amanda, helena, danielle.
b) who is the one to jump in someones arms? helena. or amanda.
c) Who would be the one to kill it? bom i guess. but oh so cruel. let it go!

Who made pancakes in the morning and almost caught the house on fire?
bom. cuz he's the only guy and he killed the mouse.

Someones tanning on the roof who is it?
all the girls except bom. because no one would let bom up

Who is the tallest in the house?
bom?

Who is the shortest in the house?
:') -

Who is the loudest?
danielle, suting.

Who is the clown?
all except peishan. level-headed. er maybe not, when she's high. maybe me level-headed. so all except me.

Who is the most respectful?
in what sense?

Who is the one that always comes up with stupid ideas?
suting, amanda helena. hahahahaha.

Whos in bed first?
no one. maybe me. cuz i need sleep now.

If someone woke everyone up with pots and pans who would it be?
me, cuz i never try before. and let's see all the reactions

Who is always dancing?
amanda, suting and helena. cuz they forever high one?

You split ice all over the kitchen floor, who would be the one to slip on it first?
peishan. :')

Who is always playing some form of intrument?
still got who? the one who's got drum sticks as fingers.



@6.27am:
i made it through the night again man. third night this year.
yknw how weird it feels, with the computer still on, and you can hear the morning traffic through your window? this is great man. im going to stick my head out for some fresh morning traffic-polluted air and then stick my head back in and stick it onto the pillow then sleep for 25 minutes.

you'll never know the way it tears me up inside

now i understand why i cannot sleep one. cuz my subconscious's too busy trying to scare myself. k. peishan pro.


i tried to sleep, really i did. from the 12am i told suting i will.
to the 1am i told twinnie i would.
then 2am came. and went.
and 3am came. and went again.
now it's 4.40am. and i've decided to play some farm game in fb because well yeah, i have nothing to do.

ah, bloody fucking fool.
(ps/ is anyone else still awake? im bored.)
pps/ to-get list, for tomorrow. just got inspired.

1. wonka's nerds.
2. warheads.
3. snickers bars.
4. red moo.
5. ah shit, what's that candy called. s... ah shit.

that's it so far. will add on if necessary. goodnight children, everywhere.

lip-sync rad pop.

where there used to be a long, long paragraph, see it's replaced by this short sentence cuz it bloody pissed me off by coming out all fucked up down left right. (MIDDLEFINGER)

ps/ S says this skin sucks but hello, i need to look at something new i beg your forgiveness sigh. just for a short time till i find something more worthy can? (MIDDLEFINGER TIMES TWO.)
-

and now i cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing/

because of you, i never stray too far from the sidewalk, because of you i learnt to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt/

because of you, i try my hardest just to forget everything

becasue of you, i don't know how to let anyone else in/

because of you, im ashamed of my life, because it's empty

because of you, i am afraid, because of you,

weixian said. it's twelve and it's twenty-sixth and weixian is feeling much better.

goddamn it.

rad.

chinese down. maths today.

holding on, the days drag on

should've known, should've known.

heart(bang)(boom)(bam)(piang)(shatter)

JUNE 24TH's:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=84684&id=669774034&l=7c8fb6f7e6

did i stay up just to feel the anguish?
ah, fool.

-

@ 4.45am/

took 5 hours and 15 minutes to complete one chinese assignment. while the comp is on in front of me. and im only logged in to facebook the whole time i swear. (DON'T BELIEVE, SEE PREVIOUS POST, LINE 15.) finally can sleep with peace of mind. besides, my back is aching and my eyes are glazing. again. well all was in vain, thanks twin for knocking sense in. our middle finger rocks man, mine with the yucky pink nail. __ we own.

did you forget?

okay just reached home, (O>O) so first things first. I FOUND MY HOMEWORK BABY! to peishan and danielle or whomever else i complained to about losing my homework.

next.
looooooooooooong night out. hah not really. anyway.
okay i decided not to like name the people cuz i scared i miss people out. anyway.
yeah so had dinner at rajahinn's and was great baby.

interruption:
[c=#FF8080] [b]P[/b]eishan![/c] says:
tomorrow tomorrow i love ya tomorrow. it's only a day a~ wayyyyy~
weixiannnnnnnnnn, <3>[c=#FF8080] [b]P[/b]eishan![/c] says:
idea from suting.
weixiannnnnnnnnn, <3>

they are cool man. i haven't thoguth about annie for so long.



yup, pretty tired out but rejuvenated (is that how to spell it?)(sorry, acting one zai with my english) by hot bath so i think i can continue with my homework for tonight till im tired.



i so admire myself. byebye. goodnight.


\12.41am/
okay i forgot to mention.
ghosts of girlfriends' past with peishan in the afternoon man it's 6/5 stars, strongly recommended. go watch man. otherwise you can die.

slipping under

i think im quite easy to spot.
like hey i found all the photos! cheer for me man. i mean im super tired yet im like seriously..
i mean i found all the photos yo! omg i love me to death man.

ohz soz imz textingz peishanz andz imz puttingz az zz behingdz everyz wordsz hahahahz andz nopez imz notz tryingz toz mockz peoplez iz swearz. hehz. kindz ofz tiringz actuallyz. sighz. putsz mez ofz zzs forz nowz.
whatz thez fuckz isz thez pointz ofz twittingz manz! andz theyz callz itz thez artz ofz twittingz.
-.-z.

andz yesz, weiyuz isz campingz overz atz myz roomz. andz imz typingz withz thez aidz ofz thez lightz fromz myz phonez soz hez doesn'tz wakez upz.
helloz imz beingz az goodz sisterz okays. omgz worshipz mez.
sighz. iz admirez myselfz.

fine shall type normally.
more photos on soon. heh.
meeting p for movie tomorrow at one man. i swear i'll wake up at ten. i swear.
cross my heart. not
coldz.
okay the darkness is creeping me out. heading for zzZzZZzZzzzZZz land right after this so yup, okay. night. i mean it.

time stands still

last few of good laughs hahahah, great people man, love love.

and what the hell, concert's over so soon. just when im starting to enjoy it.

(following picture) danielle with MY light stick. bloody breast.

nightwalk on first night of camp, like er, wonderful only! :)

btw, did you all read the newspaper?

the night before, news said there MIGHT be a chance holidays will be extended.

but TODAY, (as in today, not the newspaper Today) news reported that only students who'd travelled to flu-hit countries within last seven days of 29th June need not report to school... fuck them sia.

dad's coming back on the 27th. does that mean i can not go to school? cuz hello, i stay with him.

oh great yay!

?

nothing more to say, i mean it.
gosh.

bling bling.

i am tired, as always. and my eyes heh, are going to close soon. goodnight humankind.

ps/ danielle, i want my hairband back. my hair is irritating my eyes man.

well i swear i hate pink. i double swear. seriously!

i love you too.

hard to love

'but it was so easy to slip back to the flat, look at each other and realise that nothing had changed, that she was still her and he was still him and that neither of them had ever stopped loving each other, not really, and there was no one else involved and nobody to be hurt, and that it felt good to hold someone familiar and warm and it felt good to kiss someone you've known for so long when you've been apart for a while and that what happened next wasn't really all that importantcuz it was all about the here and now and making each other feel better, just for a while.'
'just for old times' sake.'
-
'true love makes it possible to let someone go to be happy with another.'
-
'it gave some comfort to be free temporarily to hate the man out loud whom she still wanted so very much within.'




beginnings are easy. we know how to fall in love, our body tells us what to do.
there's all those songs, arias, poems, movies and books to celebrate the euphoria.
it's endings that are hard. what about time when love no longer casts its spell?
when joy has evaporated and we're filled instead with bile and blame?
the realisation that life hasn't quite turned out the way we thought it would hits us all the time.
prompted by amany things... a lover leaving, stuff... other people's gazebo extensions.
and also, love comes in spurts.
a little, then a lot. it's not a permanent wave of happiness.
permanent waves only happen to hair.
love isn't a staple diet.

the baroque ecstasy, the grotesque compulsion of her conquests are frankly fucking disgusting. you're so fucking bland you could dilute water you know? fuck off.

oh, and this hadn't been love on the sidelines that made compromises.
it'd been a fall into an abyss ou tof which i'd never intended to crawl. so why?



my brain's done so much thinking i need to like fall into a hundred years of sleep. loading into overdrive ah shite.
something like what happened to sleeping beauty.
fuck kfc breakfast sia omg so early.
i need rest, god.







what is wrong with me?

walking on rain clouds

okay quick one.
dad went off today. yeah had to digest that he wouldn't be sleeping at home today well yeah.
happy fathers' day too, hello dads out there. lol.
okay just got the picture peishan/danielle took of the cute uncle and me. thanks :)
pretty tired.
co tomorrow, i bet alot people forgot sia. okay i never forget cuz qw purposely text i think you purposely one that's why i say you purposely. okay nvm.

i need meihi strawberry flavoured milk. i think im obsessed, bye goodnight, happy father's day again.

cold, cold green-gold eyes glinting with tears.

June 14th: moeco camp at CCAB and Conference Hall, 9am to 5.40pm.
June 15th: ossco at school, 9am to 12.30pm moeco camp at CCAB and Conference Hall, 2pm to 5pm.
June 16th: moeco camp at CCAB and Conference Hall, 9am to 5.40pm
June 17th: moeco camp, 9am to 5.40pm ossco overnight camp, after moeco, stayed till next morning.
June 18th: sets off from school for moeco at CCAB and Conference Hall, 8.30am to 5.40pm, back to ossco camp after that
June 19th: left school with camp stuff, dad fetched meeeee to Conference Hall for moeco, CONCERT was on that day.

I still very proud of myself cuz didn't sleep from 6.45am on June 17th till 2.30am on June 19th sia! And didn't screw up practicing although did doze off at times. -.- Red bull-ed throughout the whole camp LOL. Actually, the over sweet-ness of it is pretty nice but im sick of it now.
Eh and see, im actually trying to use capital letters for every word after a full-stop. It's hard though now im typing really slowly.

Concert was... ugh i screwed up at times. Overall-y i guess it was good... yeah.
Picture with percussion and percussion teacher and the er, GREATEST percussionist in Singapore or something, as weihao says (okay lah i honestly er, forgot lah can? tsk -.-)

Ended up really tired hahahahahaha fell asleep straight upon reaching home after bathing. With wet hair yes. BUT is really tiring what okay lah.


Actually, i feel like sleeping again. anyway, typing with caps at the front is tiring, bye im off to sleep.

fly fly fly magpie!

still love baby blue eyes? i never want to have a child with a blue-eyed angmoh already

• HAHAHA getting the kick out of O2mania hahaha not bad, not bad at all.
• FUCK full today. urgh hate sushi for awhile starting from now.
• brother is fighting with me over the computer. hates.
• how to kill your husband (and other handy household tips) is great. the starting is sucky, however.
• im excited about tomorrow. cuz very long never go school already.
• there are two 'co's tomorrow. i hate packed schedules.
• i love kfc breakfast. i think.
• i hope someone can lullaby me to sleep tonight and wake me up tomorrow morning.
• well, bloody good. my phone charger has just been bent to the state that im never going to be able to charge my phone ever again and that's plain good news. i love my brother. he's the best brother on earth.
• peishan is insisting on sleeping at 4 or something.
• i have fucking no mood now. fuck the world's brothers.
• i need to shed fats. (don't ask lol.)
• i feel like detonating my desk lamp against the bloody white wall now.
• i want to have a red wall. like as in ONE red wall. as in this red:
• red enough? i luv red but not blue anymore.
  
  
  

gone case

all the mean words that appear in mind haha, how i wish to practically hurl them at you like with vulgarities but i can't do it, can i? after all, you were my bestest friend. you knew me. but i don't know you anymore.

there's this weird balding man in the house fixing the teevee.

suting's flying in.. i don't know, sometime tomorrow. kiss her thru the phone :) i don't even listen to that song.
bless you lah, hope you dream of more purple-y green-y things over there and you better like get me abalone or something.


dad's going off to KL from twenty-first to twenty-seventh.
when mom said that, i was like staring at her and going "TMD." (of course she did give me the look about using bad language.)
i guess i can't really do without him ugh he's like my.. everything prolly.
i think the only boy i've ever really loved is him hehheh :)
think i'll crawl out of bed at 4am on twenty-first to make breakfast for him.
after seeing his delighted face when i'd did that the other sunday morning... oh it is fathers' day on the twenty-first after all. fuck.



waking up early on fathers' day? hell, the unfairness.
(eh he bloody worry about how you're going to get home on monday wednesday friday k, low w.hao. better do something for him too like XXX's or OOO's (:)

\99.RED.BALLOONS/

(following picture) was talking to rayner bout the previous bbq heh. class outing again soon?

(following picture) weichong's hand. entwined w danielle's ;)

(following picture) ignore that woman on the extreme right.

(following picture) his specs were reflecting light alr. itchy hands went to add. bling bling movie star!

(following picture) i know that uncle was goddamn irritated. kept shoving the cam in his face HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and he totally faced off.

yeah so june 8th was prolly one of the best :) at least the 3 other 'wei's (weichong, zhengwei and junwei (: ) were there to cheer me up :) until that bloody ache came along. ultimate suck.

what, was like the hottest night ever yesterday. could die.

helped dad clear out store and cleaned up some papery mess on my shelf, eg. all the contents that were in my file.

dug out some really __ stuff... rather not talk about it. (kept it anyway, but should i be?)

i need like, the company of some people now seriously. i don't care if my room looks a state if only someone could like come over now with one big tub of icecream.

fuck.

read my lips

weixian, amanda, helena, sharon, binbin, kailing, farhana

danielle, weixian, peishan & suting.

where's xinhui?

-
what happens when suddenly there's only seventeen more days till school reopens and you realise that you've not rested enough and not completed half the work? disaster happens. hehe.

er, few rounds around plaza sing in the last week or so made it kind of tempting to watch 'drag me to hell' and i don't know if... clique would want it?
know amanda likes horror movies or something :) and helena said something about horror movies too. okay. should ask.

it's hot tonight.

till i get you back im gonna cry

i wanted... for there to be some pictures to make the words look less... wordy. but then my eyes yes, are glazing over again and im lazy to.. you know. and plus some people aren' uploading pictures.

so i decide that i have so sleep. wait, isn't sleeping all i do nowadays anyway?
oh, and that feeling i often get after standing up straight and walking around after lying down?
and blood goes rushing downwards from the head then there's like, lack of blood in the brains or something and everything goes dark and woozy and faint? i hate that feeling.
but i get it at least like, ten times a day ever since the holidays. hint: i hate holidays.


oh, and saw some really meaningful stuff while like, bloghopping too. sort of enlightened, thank you so much. even though you probably won't like, yeah, anything.


i realise i need to go out. again. soon. or something. can't stand staying at home cuz it's like bloody hot!
urgh i need to stay at home. outside is hot too, i realise.

till i get you back im gonna try

HAHAHA was looking @ some funny funny funny stuff sut told me about :D:D:D
eh... really cool? i swear i look silly laughing @ the comp. ;)

i obviously have a lot to say but obviously i can't do it here right? ;)

know that feeling when you feel like you're getting kicked down and just when you're about to get up, you get like, hammered down again? and all through like, somebody hurls insults at you and like, people discourage you and like, you don't know who to turn to for like, comfort and then you try to actually die but you can't? and then all the worst things in life like somehow gets to you and what, hopeless? like someone's pulling you down but you can't gather enough strength to turn back to look at that bloody person cuz you're too weak or... something. and then get dragged to hell or something stupid.



hahaha well it sucks. screw that man.
(i think tattoos are real cool now. eh danielle? (;(;)
(like what, get someone's bloody name or some bloody cartoon like spongebob squarepants inked on your bloody skin and bear all that bloody pain and in the end you know you'll regret.)
(i think that's just really really cool. know? (:)

i like you a lot, lot, think you're really hot, hot

today's been... slowwwww.

spent some night talking to G and W till like, 4am or something?
last night, with I till like eh, 6am today or something sigh.
phone bombbbbb. i managed 6 hours of sleep today. aren't i super!


keep trying to get my mind on homework but then... failed miserably.
eh, i shall listen to you and learn from you or something k, concentrate on studies or something :)
luv you still, and don't fucking block me lah you. neh.

out real early yesterday. wasted trip to school. cb. :)
(im really glad you didn't chase me out anyhow, thanks. luv ya :))
with eh, D and G and W to vivo's after that but was a great great great party pooper. some tummy thing and i think it's so... goddamn sexed up. :)

pictures aren't up yet, all in like, breasty's cam or something. you whore. i want that smoothie person's picture.



i guess i pretty much told you how i felt. of course, it hurt.
as i lay, trying to be as still as i could, i somehow arrived at the realisation that there was eh.. something beating inside of me; (obviously, what else could it be?)
alas, it's not my heart. it's never my heart anymore, because you ripped it right out. the rhythm going on inside of me that's keeping me alive is nothing more than dead woodwork banging out its monotonous tune.
i realise that never will i function properly again.
i feel scared at the way i saw myself trembling in front of you, i didn't understand what was happening to me. i still don't.
i hope you understand me though, thank you for still letting me in. i love you, i don't really care whether you reciprocate it or not, as long as you know that it's true, im happy and still willing to wait.

im sorry i caused you trouble or something, i love you. :)

you cut me open and i keep bleeding love.

a sound sleeper, it won't hear a peep-peep

am playing battleon: some dead-ass game i played like, three years ago on the last day of term or something. it still hasn't changed. still as boring, still as dead-ass. lol.

my character look sgay anyway, so what's the point?

have got nothing to say anymore

urgh, can i ever ever sleep early again? shit my mind okay, i feel very upset and nobody cares, alright?


did some major cooking in the afternoon after waking up late. sigh. sigh square. sigh to the power of three, infinite sigh.
i... 11 hours + 24 hours + a few more hours = 35 hours + a few more indefinite ones.
i hope i survive this remaining 35 yet a few more hours. ugh.

did a combo X2 yawn last night. goddamn funny. LOL. should've seen dad's expression man. class-ic.


i really don't know what to say. i mean there's like a torrent inside of me but then.. nothing can describe it. im so sorry, so disappointed, angry, feel so let down, so alone, like, in short, unwanted. very tired already. i have no idea how to sub it. grr. and holy welllllll, my own littley brother wants me DEAD now. haha, funny? no it hurts. like everything else is. one day i'll really do it and let's see what you say, BROTHER. who says he's cute. who says he's harmless. if he is, how come every negative thing he says about me hurts, how come my dad bothers to reprimand him for wrong stuff he says to me? dad may luv small one, mom may luv hao more even if he doesn't realise, who else's there to luv me then? this is getting insane. they may luv me yes obviously but ha-ha just a daughter anyway so might not matter that much. why does anything anybody say nowadays all hurt so much even if they don't mean it? urgh if only they knew i feel like dying inside, if only they knew the tears flow backwards into my system. what is neglected when it feels more of unwanted now? my tummy hurts too. i just only want one, if not more. one chance to know that someone actually cares and ugh. there's fucking no privacy around here so i can't lock the door and cry my balls out. even if i do they probably hammer the door and ask what's wrong. can't they fucking understand that i don't want to talk about it? fuck, i miss the times when i'd complain to you and you'd make me understand and i'll cry. fuck my mind. i need you now. i really do. i can't bawl my balls out without you. where are you? i love you.

i miss clique because they manage to always be so jumpy and that's funny. i miss everyone. D': why am i here anyway.

my life went to a party and left me at home with no life

i am stuck between homework (maths, urgh) and this screen in front of me. what to do? obviously choose something alive. sort of.

i think you blocked me. anyway.... urgh. infuriating.


LOL, 'i hope Little Nyonya chokes on her kok kok mee and dies' LOL. stumbled upon that on fb hahahaha okay i was stunned for a while. hoo-hah.

oh my ran out of battery halfway last night and i was half asleep so i didn't bother to charge... nevertheless, it didn't fail to revive and wake me up at nine in the afternoon. goody-old alarm! (fuck yourself.)


unh, im bored.
-*after minutes of viewing blogs
my mom is gossipping on the phone and it's been forty-nine minutes already (i watched the computer clock.)
middle-aged women somehow has lottttttttttts to talk about. why?

-*after minutes of reading another one and feeling very very.. emo-ed out
she finally hung up the phone. well thank god. fifty-six minutes going on to fifty-seven.

-*pssst, did anyone notice my colourful post and blue words? guess only one person would understand what with all those blue highlighted er, pronouns. heeeeeeee this is interesting.

got the world on a string

just back from ps w mom and brother lol.
my tummy is aching those kind of fucking aches you get in your legs when you walk for too long.
what the goddamn fuck?

peishan texted with the good news that she scored a 21 on her bus ticket. lucky you, congratulations :) *sends flowers.
i never got one before. wonder if it's really true, that it's good luck.
shoot my luck. darn.
stupid boy, i wonder if you still got yours in your wallet? :) keep it safe. cuz idk what wish you made.



that's it. im done. totally done i mean, and tired.
goodnight. i need to sleep early tonight byebye.
suting's painting her nails. she never wait for me. hate you. grr.
yes bye.

another one

im bored out of my shite, and i can't stop wondering if you really meant what you said (okay fine not said.)
i hope you do though.

i think im really dumb.

oh, won't you walk through, and bust in the door and take me away, oh, no more mistakes;
cuz in your eyes i'd like to stay.

got it bad (and it ain't good)

(NO IT ISN'T LOCKED! NO NO I IMMEDIATELY CHIONG TO LOOK AFTER I SAW YOUR TAG BUT IT ISN'T LOCKED WHEW. :) SO GUESS WHAT IM GOING TO DO NOW! *sneaky grin) (ugh i just looked it through and i feel like... dropping dead. sick, nauseous feeling, you know? ugh i advise you don't go look. ick eugh yuck bleh spits ugh eee.)

stayed up late again to emo heh heh heh no lah. woke up early and late. don't ask.
ugh i heard things last night that didn't really.. exist. wait i prefer not to think about it.
i think someone was shot last night outside my window or in the next block or something. was like bang and silence. hmm.

anyway.
reality tv bites, how to kill your husband (and other handy household tips), 31 dream street, desperately seeking, read my lips and the birds and the bees. one down, five to go.
one in one and a half days isn't bad.

ugh i killed an ant so i have to go like disinfect my thumb, index and middle finger or something in case the ant carries that influenza A virus or something. this is meaningless. good afternoon, goodnight.
-

(your mumble in agreement) that made my heart sink

mm, going out soon. bom square's laptop.
slept quite late. all the english homework done. a little of math's too.
(and texting. sigh. my phone. $$$)(fell asleep, sorry :/ sorry for losing my mood too. :/ don't be upset over that.. shitty person anymore.)

that time of the month again, i mean, finally.
and im prepared for all the.. moodswings. don't provoke.
wait when did i ever get moodswings? not really what okay nvm.

music in my ears but im not paying attention.
find it hard to pay attention to anything now haha what is wrong with me.
wait lah i need to turn it off.

my wet hair is not drying. whyyyy. it is so annoying me. ugh poke-y.


you all just fade off so quickly, i don't even know what to say to you now, even when im alone with you and there's so many opportunities for me to actually talk to you.. why can't i do it anymore? we used to be so close, able to talk about anything under the sun then now? it's like the sun disappeared or something. i never wanted to drift with you. maybe it was that problem.. anyhow, i don't know how to bring it back now. mm, you used to understand me well too, perhaps it's the lack of time together or something, or i don't know what. you have your friends now ah that i understand. how come you never seem to get angry at your friends like how you bark at me, give attitude? why are there two different faces for two different groups of people? wah so biased? i find it quizzical oh maybe im just not as good as them, as cool as them, as interesting and whatever you'd like to name it? ugh i never wanted to do this but then everything is bursting out urgh how do you expect me to keep it in? and then you, i know you probably hate whatever topics i can only talk to you about now, perhaps it hurts you too but nowadays that's all i can talk about what. i know it's irritating of me but perhaps this is like some difficult period of time when i need help but maybe everyone's tired of me feeling upset feeling alone feeling unwanted feeling emo and stoning when we're out together out and being such a wet blanket etc but i can' help it what, i seriously can't. how to be happy anymore? i can't possibly google it what. then all the other advices they all give, well some are realistic some sensible some out of the world but ultimately nothing heals. maybe im just too obsessed that it's taking over my life but ugh i can't help it either! no one can tell me what to do now, anymore. so don't bother. (btw this isn't emo okay don't say it is.) but listening to myself, ah i prolly know myself well. to carry on with all the disillusions and dreams and that kind of thinking, what happens when i fall..? touch wood. people say he's ten times better, really (that's you BTFF! :)) i regret but aren't things always too late to be regretted? uh-uh, not this time. im going to make up for lost time. it prolly would all end up in nothing in the end but ah me. goddamn it im so going to do it till the end, im not taking 'impossible' for an answer. oh, honey, you may think im selfish and self-centred - ugh isn't that the same meaning? - but i really need you.. and some people can understand that (it's you again!), you said i didn't understand you well enough so why not give me another chance? yes i know you say that you never give anyone another chance but why not make an exception this time? let me try again, because i know just what to do and what not already. looking through our past texts make me cry already. i miss all the sweet things you used to call me and all the sweet things you used to say. things don't have to end so early. my heart won't heal without you here. till i get you back im gonna try. till i get you back im gonna cry.. in the meantime i survive by thinking of you. ugh what is with all the words now. like some massive word spamming competition. anyhow, i only wanted to express my feelings.. but somehow it's not all out yet. so maybe no one should take notice of this.. fat thing. anyone who reads till here is an idiot. well maybe you did just cuz you care, thanks but you're an idiot too. thanks idiot. (if you'd really read till here, do tell me. some extra comfort. heh. thanks.)


that's not a moodswing symptom. that's just.. once a month thing.
that's not emo either. emo is my chemical romance (sorry, fans.) emo is people with fringe over eyes so they see strips of black everywhere and emo is gothic people. i think. i mean. blackness. O.O i should stop. i need to go, i thought i said i was going out soon at the top? O.O bye. may be back later.

zed + oh + am + gee = ZOMG

was inspired by some fellow female blogger to google 'zomg' and i did. :) (don't know if you're reading this. if you are, hi!)

urbandictionary.com: definitions of zomg :

1. zomg
a varient of the all-too-popular acronym "OMG". the "z" was originally a mistake while attempting to hit the shift key with the left hand, and type "OMG" also used in all-caps, 'ZOMG' is generally used in a sarcastic manner, more often than not a humiliating fashion. also used as a device for stating the obvious.

2. zomg
a more enthusiastic (if not sarcastic) way of saying OMG. the Z doesn't stand for anything, but rather is added onto the O, thus making it pronounced "ZOH MY GOD!"

3. zomg
ZOMG was the ruler of the planet XYRZON until 2451 AD, when he was overthrown by KFOP after the battle of SHMUR. the battle marked the violent end to ZOMG'S noble reign as ultra-lord. KFOP soon proved to be an incapable ruler of XYRZON, and the planet collapsed into chaos in 2453. since that day, the residents of XYRZON have used ZOMG as a declaration, nay, an exclaimation of hope. hope that one day peace shall return to XYRZON, on the shoulders of a truly worthy king.
ZOMG, i love cupcakes.

4. zomg
zombies! oh my god!

5. zomg:
ZOMG I COLLECTED ALL 862934127 POKEMON CARDS!! ZOMG!!!!!

6. zomg:
originally from starcraft when the enemy zerg would rush and swarm u with zerglings when you were still harvesting minerals. the acronym means ZERG OH MY GOD written in the chat as a cry for assistance.

7. zomg:
ZOMG is neither an acronym nor a word; it is an entity.
ZOMG is a mythological figure who wields a sword tainted with the blood of emo kids.

Bill: Jesus Christ! That ZOMG just stabbed the lead singer of My Chemical Romance in the eye!
Bob: You're right! and now the bassist is crying!


um there's more but im lazy to check. besides, there's my work to consider.

every single time im asked to comprromise

i guess that's like the most.. interesting photo that day.

can you believe it: second day into the holidays and im rushing to complete homework. all.

mm, so far so not bad.

school in the morning to accompany suting with peishan in tow.. hot. (almost easy.)

plaza sing for suting's piano lesson. then lunch.

movies next, b.o.b and insectosaurus owns my shite man.

around the place after that looking at scrapbook materials and stuff.

man, can't believe all the sales. sigh. super duper great singapore crazy sales

should really go finish up my work now. form teacher said she wants to see a new me next term, not a slacky and unbothered me. says i've got potential. truth is i don't want to care anymore

mm bye.

i think it's hilarious, i think people should check it out

or maybe people are already checking it out and im the outdated one hooked onto nigahiga? O.O

i couldn't bring myself to call, except to call it quits

cuz you're my only lover best friend.
-

my dad came home and said, "first day of school holidays huh! what did you do all day?"
"uhm, you really want to know?"
"using the phone whole day is it!"
"not really. ate two meals, napped three times, used the computer and talked on the phone. and texted people. oh, and i took out my holiday homework too! see it's here." *points to some secluded area on my table
"oh oh, homework? good good!" *walks off

i think my dad's cool. but not cooler than me obviously. cuz he doesn't have the urge to watch monsters vs. aliens.


i hope he doesn't take my phone tonight.

we take sour sips from life's lush lips.

before the lady in the middle cut her hair. lol. oh and: peishan likes to take her face half out of the photo.

i just realised that im full into the holidays already. just the first day and im waking up and doing nothing and sitting here watching this screen all day. half the day is gone. it's 2.14 already.
restaurant city, and the new additions are crap: 10000 or something for just one new ingredient.
i'd rather trade. sigh.

at least a piece of homework for each subject.. that is, english, maths, science and chinese.
no more gerography next semester. i want to jump.

oh, i just remembered the main point of this post's to reply the war-like tags. i wonder why some tagged twice?

twinnie: hey back :)
limxinhui: uh, cuz i posted it? :) so pretty, it's not an unglam
lah. thanks, but glad you know you're mushy. so gross. heeeee :) lubyou!
vernon: you tagged four times for goddamn's sake. sigh. okay look
your link's up there :)
benedict: lala dui is cheer people up one meh? :) thanks anyway, i
guess? hehheh. and yes i linked up :0
peishan: really? wow okay. it would be interesting if he actually
had one so yes............ camp @ night see you! lubzyou
H: i know that you know that i know that you love me? i don't quite
get your meaning LOL but anyway yes!

heart(bang)

i woke up early today okay.
(did i mention i literally crawled out of bed yesterday, SUNDAY MORNING, to make breakfast for the whole family? of course, it was a little burnt... not funny.)
(at least dad & mom said it was good. plus i got a hug from dad! not that bad, all that sweat was worth it. plus the bottom of my foot was hurting like mad i swear. blisters from playing on road barefoot.)

um, no breakfast today. cuz i lay in bed for one hour plus going on to two straight.
*listening to britney spears now. why do some people anti her again?
all the dreams... or rather, daydreams. yes really. was dreaming in the subconscious with my eyes open.

i admire myself sometimes. in the meanwhile, im going to take quizzes. i think they're marvellous.


oh my mom returned home. bye.