new year resolutions

well you knocked me hard and knocked me awake without doing that much. thank you.

will be here for the next four hours before bed and i really want to do something meaningful apart from watching the countdown from tv later. (-.-)
feeling a little emotional. maybe its got to do with it being the end of the year

ya. i definitely feel like crying now. *am dying for a
reading twin's blog makes me feel like crying because i think what he posted relates to me too (THANK YOU TWIN I LOVE YOU TOO)
this will be another wordy post i think.

ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy bombom's blog inspired me to do the same thing. like summarise my whole year
thats pretty meaningful right. okie dokie.

K LETS SEE. (rubs hands)

january:
started talking about percussion outings which never actually materialised. funny how you can plan and get so excited for things that you know is never going to happen.
and i rmb i was still pretty upset about the whole..... thing. yeah some people might know.
got sick. okay pretty small detail.
got hooked on trial games. ok another trivial one
another pretty emotional month i guess. from what i rmb
OH AH JANUARY. pretty good month i should say but good things dont reall last sometimes ahhaha. good memories though so i'll just keep it with me.
(yeah looking back...... hmm.)
(omg ya actually its a lot. hmm.)
oh quarreled w breasty but made up again.
conclusion: not a bad one. sigh.

february:
like the same as january. zz. yeah i mean seriously. valentines day came... and went. that was my first like, valentines together. im not making sense but im rushing this shit thats why
ahhh feb. another of the month. (fck i can just tear looking at the bloody fxcking posts)
so there goes fab feb.

march:
actually, nothing much. another of those months. srry but yeah. started playing pet society from what i see.
my ceiling...
quarreled w breasty again.
was really a bad month but not that bad.

april:
another one of the mnths. aiyar tsk hahahaha
oh april shows me that all the episodes started happening.
detention for the first time in my life heh
SYF and we got bronze even though we expected silver like badly. pretty teary day for all of us.

may:
okay so it stops here. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
my may 23rd's post stil inspires me.
http://weixiannnnnnnnnn.blogspot.com/2009_05_01_archive.html
upsetting but i got over it hahahahahahaaaaaa see me.

june:
another month.

july:
another month.
i started texting you if i remember correctly.

august:
another month.
still you, on and off.

september:
heh birthday! had a little get-together with all my loves heh. finally dared to get over what i had to. still was you.

october nov december: ~


i lost interest in my own life ahhahaha
kay ten more mins to 2010. i really dont know what to write down for my resolutions.
improve on my life i guess.
i need to study harder too. if i want to apply fr dpa there it goes.
no more distractions hahahahahahahaha omg i finally kan kai le.
no more this and that.

will decide on more when 2010 comes. for now i think im just going to watch the countdown wait for the fireworks pity myself for being so pathetic and cry my heart out and then sleep.




2009 is a pretty upsetting year.
having this kind of end. LOL.
i loved you but i need to forget.

Prochlorperazine suppositories and tablets are used to control severe nausea and vomiting. Prochlorperazine tablets are also used to treat the symptoms of schizophrenia (a mental illness that causes disturbed or unusual thinking, loss of interest in life, and strong or inappropriate emotions). Prochlorperazine tablets are also used on a short-term basis to treat anxiety that could not be controlled by other medications. Prochlorperazine should not be used to treat any condition in children who are younger than 2 years old or who weigh less than 20 pounds (about 9 kilograms). Prochlorperazine is in a class of medications called conventional antipsychotics. It works by decreasing abnormal excitement in the brain.

Prochlorperazine may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:

• drowsiness
• dizziness
• blurred vision
• dry mouth
• stuffed nose
• headache
• nausea
• constipation
• difficulty urinating
• widening or narrowing of the pupils (black circles in the center of the eyes)
• increased appetite
• weight gain
• agitation
• jitteriness
• difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
• blank facial expression
• drooling
• uncontrollable shaking of a part of the body
• shuffling walk
• breast enlargement
• breast milk production
• missed menstrual periods
• decreased sexual ability in men

Some side effects can be serious. If you experience any of the following symptoms, call your doctor immediately:

• fever
• muscle stiffness
• confusion
• fast or irregular heartbeat
• sweating
• yellowing of the skin or eyes
• flu-like symptoms
• sore throat, chills, and other signs of infection
• neck cramps
• tongue that sticks out of the mouth
• tightness in the throat
• difficulty breathing or swallowing
• fine, worm-like tongue movements
• uncontrollable, rhythmic face, mouth, or jaw movements
• seizures
• rash
• hives
• itching
• swelling of the eyes, face, mouth, lips, tongue, throat, arms, hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs
• vision loss, especially at night
• seeing everything with a brown tint
• coma (loss of consciousness for a period of time)
• erection that lasts for hours

In case of overdose, call your local poison control center at 1-800-222-1222. If the victim has collapsed or is not breathing, call local emergency services at 911.

Symptoms of overdose may include:

• agitation
• jitteriness
• difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
• blank facial expression
• drooling
• uncontrollable shaking of a part of the body
• shuffling walk
• sleepiness
• coma (loss of consciousness for a period of time)
• seizures
• irregular heartbeat
• fever
• dry mouth
• constipation

looks like im in deep shit too.
but just to say, dont take this stuff. i think its what caused my muscle spasms.

loud crowd

i have no pictures to update as usual cause they're over at www.sunflowerdistrict.blogspot.com.
typical day. tmr will be one soon.
im gonna countdown... in my sleep. yes tmr night is going to be nothing.
im not staying awake just cause i THINK something might happen. you're just not that kind of person so i cant trust myself (my heart) with you.
when next year starts at 00:00 hours tmr im gonna forget you, yes you saw correct im gonna forget you.
my new year resolutions are so gonna include you. really dont try to make me believe you're gonna pop it tmr and it has nothing to do with it being the first day of the month.
i dont even believe it myself how can you all. dont understand what you guys are thinking. seriously no brained
if i were to believe in it myself i'd be the biggest tortoise ever on earth. you're just not one for surprises. yup, guess not.
in concl. its just going to be a normal night tmr. watch the fireworks, mope a little, do my pills and bed.

oh yes, the pills.
im not hooked. its not something you can get hooked on. just that i feel uneasy without it. its not the same to flip over on my side and not feel the dizzy jolt.
at least take it this way, the jolt reminds me im still awake so i gotta fall asleep soon. i take it to feel better. not to sleep.
(i dont think i feel better anyway)
i just think im toxicating (or intoxicating i never knew the difference) myself and making myself die quicker idk. whichever way you take it.
life isnt the same bed of roses anymore, it never was anyway right?
aiyar just that nothing is going right now except for.... nothing. nothing is going right
dont bother with The Talk. its not gonna help and you know it. im sorry that im not listening to you but too bad. im sorry i said too bad but really, its too bad.

enough of self pity because i dont deserve it. on a brighter note i got to try a new brand today thanks to @bombom92 (or something)!
@NeonPinkNails @MLMB7 @NEOHPEISHAN bananas (wink wink) if i feel like commiting suicide i will do it tonight.
ikea with @pnpyholyshit @NICOLLLETTE and @NeonPinkNails and @NICOLLLETE's daddy. he is cute.
to @NEOHPEISHAN's after. kinda sad because of some lame revelations -.-

(i still feel damn fucked up after seeing the blog)



(if you're gonna give up on me, just do. i will disappear from your sight instantaneously. i swear with no crossed fingers. in actual fact sometimes i just cant wait to tear away from you all and die. i really wish i could because my mind is actually tied to the fact the 2010's not gonna be a good year and that im gonna die soon anyway. so why not now? just say the words, you know you want to. you know im worse than who you think is condemned. i am a failure and there is no hope for me and you know it. no more ignoring me and playing w your fav son. just kick me ut of the house and let me die on my own. just send me to the girls home and let me kill myself there. or better still kill me with your own hands. i know talking about death like that is not a good thing but i dunno maybe this time it is for me. no more psychology courses nor vetinary science courses, no more universities or going overseas to study, no more mixed babies nope i just cant see myself at 60 years old.
i dunno.
i just feel like it'll be a better end. i feel... suffocated. cooped. im just not your good daughter anymore.)


honestly ( you wont see this but im in the mood for a wordy post and i really dont think anyone will bother to read this)
you were so ready to say yes when i wanted to pass you what i put down on paper for you.
i took three and felt giddy but still took the effort to write them down cause im not good with words. i bet you could tell because i caught up with you three/four times on december the twenty-eighth yet i couldnt get the fucking words out. even if you knew what it was i was going to say it didnt mean that much if i didnt get the right words out
i couldnt. find my tongue, i mean. i could only blush inwardly and feel like a cow-cow-coward and smell your smell and stall for time while i try to find my tongue. (msn is lagging)
well anyway back to the topic. you agreed so readily and i thought for a minute... maybe things might change.
nah im wrong. again. i always am, dont you see?
and i was so happy, happy wx goes to sleep -.- next morning wake up afternoon go out suddenly in the text you say you're out already.
i got into an accident with a trolley. literally. i did.
and on the bus dope wx calls and you say you're at where again? fyl.
and i emo partially fr the rest of the day and now look where i am.
the letter is with @NPS and you wont bother to drop her a text, i know you wont.
you're just not interested.

i can really, really believe that you werent just playing. but somehow i cant bring myself to think that whatever i hope t happen is gonna happen.
i hope by some miracle the papers get blown into your face and you read it and realise actually how it was just for you.
i didnt even bother reading back after i finished it because my head was hurting so badly. i dont trust myself to read back though.


last line: too bad, but i want you.






i feel so empty.

READ THIS:

I.




AM.




NOT.




ATTACHED.

and wont be for a long time.

nothing is working out so i can forget it and if im gonna call you and you're not gonna pick up then wx you jolly well forget it. fuck you. to the pits of hell.

long time since i posted but im at @NEOHPEISHAN's with @NEOHPEISHAN and @MLMB7. @NeonPinkNails was here too.
i am a farking mess.
stomach is hurting, gonna go out for some fresh air drinks.
fml. i never thought i'd say this but fuck my life to the pits of hell i hope i die soon from all the harmful stuff im taking in.
i think im gonna get brain damage soon.
or maybe my stomach will have hole.
then die of acidic er..... idk what.
going down now. i know this post very very bad. too bad. im bad.

mad at you

idk what made me go watch it but its been v long since i cried.
watched ne yo's mad from youtube. and it reminded me of, well yeah you
i dont know, its not working out.
4.51am. im not sleeping anymore. meeting the people later @ 8 in school.





edit:
have been thinking a little.
when lets say john A dumps jane A because he finds her irritating, he can only think of all the bad times and it sorta pushes him to break off with her isnt it?
but poor Jane A gets stuck with all the good memories and all the tears. agree?
i think most of the time guys initiate the start to a r/s but they're the ones to break it off. or maybe thats just cause im female

kill kill kill fes

^ they said they love our tee. at least a chio one said that so yay tank you.

i am happy to the very ultimate max now so dont talk to me least you pop my bubble.
some MAPS* time! hehehehehhehehehehehe peishan will know

episode 2.1: janitor goes mad with happy shitz

k so 22nd became 21st. oh well.
i think i blew it, but maybe i'd have a chance to get it back. who knows.
non-existent biceps starting to be there. mega arm muscle ache. my palms hurt so much. to the extent that it BURNS. at least feels like it

did i mention my brother's coming to outram? oh well.

i need to stop sleeping late. caught a glance f myself in the mirror and i was like instantly, fuck?
10pm tonight.



the pills making me very, very, very restless today. indeed.

day 2: janitor's bad start to a bad day.

okay so finally fell asleep at 4+ or something after hours of procrastinating sleep and using the comp and reading back on every last text between us i dont know why.
got to the part where we first watched together. fell asleep at that part unknowingly cause i took five after all.
woke up and looked for phone frantically (morning habits) saw a pop-up from my calendar reminding me bout some appointment i needn't go, and a particular yellow icon at the top of the screen.
at least i thought it was the new text icon. er...
up popped the last text i was reading and i thought it was a new one. 'eh i dreamt of you' and i was like :O. then :\ after i realised it was an old text.


heh, silly me.

maybe, maybe i wouldnt be bothered

more birthday pictures but havent finished grabbing from @NeonPinkNails' FB.
For my 2010 New Year Resolution Im going to try using capital letters at the front. I can try it out now but it doesnt suit me so scratch that one
guess which one's my phone wallpaper (for now)? lucky guesser wins a cruise ticket.


phone vibrated and for like a nanosecond i really thought it was who i thought i was. then i went like, nah impossible. then, there might be a possibility what. then i decided to climb to the bag and retrieve the phone.
its not who i thought it was so lets breathe out.

i cant even be bothered to search through the one mil and one thou and one hundred arriving flights. how more bothered can i get about one text. come on wx you are being increasingly irritating and goddamn stupid and useless (oops i used it again) and yup prolly just fxck off to sleep already instead of waiting up for something thats not gonna happen now

day 1.5: janitor pissed off badly

there is a whole fxcking list of arrivals from 00:00hrs, today, till 23:59hrs later in the night.
im not gonna continue searching. there's got to be like a mil more flights.
i'll just wait. if you've got the sincerity you'd text. although i dont think you will














maybe tmr wont be such a good day after all.
(reading the h-so-famous love story of all time now cause im a bit slow w/o internet access for few days.)
(dont piss me off or i sweep you fxcking _____ with my magic broom.)

somebody help me before 3AM?

^ HTC Tattoo this can be my tattoo. like yeah my Tattoo. cause danielle says its cute or something and she wants it or something (but im not trying to spite you dear) AND the little monster hiding at the back IS cute after all...
^ HTC SNAP Non Camera has no camera. but it's qwerty keys are slighty larger than someone, SOMEONE'S E63 ma hor? or E62? forgot.

^ HTC Touch2 idk, maybe cause teeter ball on peishan's phone is fun. and it IS kind of pretty, HTC phones i mean... never realised till peishan had one congrats PS!
^ Sony Ericsson W995 im just trying to give keypad/slider phones a chance but i might break it in half.
^ Sony Ericsson SATIO 'cause it is bloody red. actually it is bordeaux. desperate attempt at red phones again

^ Sony Ericsson AINO cause its 8.1MP and it looks........... weird. kinda desperate.
^ samsung omnia pro b7320 cause thats the first phone i set eyes on in singtel's shop in the singtel building and it caught my attention gleaming from the display racks with its bronze........ shan't carry on ya get it.

^ samsung omnia pro b7330 cause it looks almost the same as B7320. hmm.


^ blackberry bold 9700. cause karyn says its s-e-x-a-y so sexy.



touchscreen phones:
pros/ still easy to text/call when hands are dirty (happy toilets painting's experience)
cons/ people say easier to spoil, i also dk what. cant text in class too.

qwerty:
pros: idk. chio?
cons: my fingers fat. plus in class cant text properly unless i practice 10 hours everyday.

keypad: i need a new change. sick of keypads.

day 1: janitor gone mad

janitor gone mad is a game. tmr is day two lets see what happens to janitor wx.
janitor danielle janitor nicolette and janitor peggy today start with same topic. reason is simple: spring cleaning is some mad shit

i think tmr will be 'DAY 2: JANITOR GETS A NEW PHONE'
which is not untrue. because

• weiyu is getting his result tmr. like the results to whichever school he's going (fingers crossed)
• and mom is bringing me to the shops tmr to look at the phones. if anything appeals to me (which is not likely) i can start texting again tmr. will text all my new number.

which means have to re-hookup number to gladlycast. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

HOTEL MOTEL HOLIDAY INN

i have a sudden urge to change weixiannnnnnnnnn.blogpsot.com to tigerscry.blogspot.com
or
change my twitter name. no ideas for new twitter name though.
cleaning out artroom today lets pray there arent any cockroaches. or lizards.

kept blacking out last night. which is a nice feeling. knotty heart.







tonight will be five pill night again. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

mary had a little meh, little meh, little meh

tell me honestly if there's a similarity among this two beings. apart from the two ears two eyes one nose one mouth and tongue thing.


looking at ****'s blog i realise how stupid i was. oh yeah i learnt another word to describe myself for you: ULTIMATEFXCKINGUSELESSTOTHEMAX
i feel so hurt. i mean its stupid cause theres nthing but saying you'll ____ __ ____ __ _____ and seeing that there are so many ____ and ______ girls over there i highly, highly doubt it.

i am angry now. maybe you can just go fuck some ___ w___e older than ___ by _ ____ and maybe i wont even care heartless bastard. ok that just slipped out of nowhere.






nothing is going nowhere. false hopes. i dont even know what im trying to get out but anyhow.
i'll prolly just keep it in first

maybe it is almost the same colour. almost.

disgusting maniac

and prbably because i have walked for almost the entire day, my right leg is aching the shit out of me and im in a very cranky mood what with achy legs and failing internet connections and laggy comps. honestly i think you wouldnt want to irritate me now -.- trip to the a****** and back with @MLMB7 @NEONHPEISHAN and @NeonPinkNails today has been nice i dont deny althugh some bad reminders did come through. like twenty second/december, like some guys with their new phones and unlimited while i am stuck with creditless chipped phone, like feeling useless (again), being unable to lift the mood for a little while, and i think god is sending me more messages, not including the iphone one. 'confessions of a serial dater' and the very annoying but nice show on tv makes me breathe hard and i dont know why -.- i have a lot of ideas in my head that's all going nowhere. i have no idea why im typing in one line.

if you're gonna be this fickle-minded, i honestly can say i CANT. STAND. YOU. just another typical heartbreaker. why cant you just stick to ne choice and actually STICK. to it. seeing whats happening makes me nauseous -.- its been like the 123456th time already and i say, please dont let it happen again :\

any way, why does nt any one be lieve me when i say im les bian?
im not judging or trying to insult anyone dont get me wrong.





at the a******, i realise you were there too, actually. only im four days late and three days early.

dug-up-pics

miss youz.

red-nosed reindeer

is that big enough?


bit of a useless day. talked to siling for a bit then decided to get some popcorn from downstairs to watch new moon online -.- (didnt work out, btw. popcorn finished before movie started)
gr8 im sick. hope to bring it down before it goes worse. 37.8degrs.
yeah i do miss you a little
i hope time will fly. lets see.

calico.

does your heart melt just looking at her.



just imagine. i got so hyped up over a random text from you because it might mean anything and now i cant sleep.
i really dont want you to leave, im sorry but i dont.

i think i love you.

all coming out, no

something is wrong with blogger in draft but too lazy to switch back to blogger, have a lot on my mind again but dont know where to start. maybe with turning on the lights.

the lights are still not on but im going to continue anyway.

maybe i dont really open up cause im afraid of getting judged like what neonpinknails says. which is true, i dont. who does, only thick skinned ones dont mind -.- doesnt it hurt? i mean having t suffer fxcking remarks frm people who sometimes dont even have the rights to comment.

i left this page for too long doing other shit. lol. maybe im starting to get hooked on the little white stuff i know its bad i know it spoils my tummy but i cant sleep, honestly. this is as close as i can get to sleeping pills, parents say sleeping pills do nothing good for the bod

yeah i sleep, sure. but with all the spammage of dreams and waking up in the middle of the night to check messages, who wants to sleep anymore. and not all the dreams are sweet-flowers-in-the-meadow kind.
ultimately, you were the root of all these. can i say that i can actually put you aside and concentrate on other more important stuff? no.
first day after the chalet i wake up feeling groggy and get dragged out feeling numb. numb i felt, yes, but i still kept thinking of you.
anyone get this so far? like you feel so numb like you can just lie flat anywhere you are.
that was me, except that my mind was numb with images of you. and how i beat myself up inside because of the regret of not having fxcking ballz to ask such a simple thing
i've told myself countless times to do it and yet again.



and i just remembered you're leaving in a few hours. fuck the timings.
honestly if it wasnt so early i would have snuck to the airport to watch you secretly and cry.
please really think it over there. im waiting for your reply.

more pictures cuz i found more heartmelting ones