have got nothing to say anymore

urgh, can i ever ever sleep early again? shit my mind okay, i feel very upset and nobody cares, alright?


did some major cooking in the afternoon after waking up late. sigh. sigh square. sigh to the power of three, infinite sigh.
i... 11 hours + 24 hours + a few more hours = 35 hours + a few more indefinite ones.
i hope i survive this remaining 35 yet a few more hours. ugh.

did a combo X2 yawn last night. goddamn funny. LOL. should've seen dad's expression man. class-ic.


i really don't know what to say. i mean there's like a torrent inside of me but then.. nothing can describe it. im so sorry, so disappointed, angry, feel so let down, so alone, like, in short, unwanted. very tired already. i have no idea how to sub it. grr. and holy welllllll, my own littley brother wants me DEAD now. haha, funny? no it hurts. like everything else is. one day i'll really do it and let's see what you say, BROTHER. who says he's cute. who says he's harmless. if he is, how come every negative thing he says about me hurts, how come my dad bothers to reprimand him for wrong stuff he says to me? dad may luv small one, mom may luv hao more even if he doesn't realise, who else's there to luv me then? this is getting insane. they may luv me yes obviously but ha-ha just a daughter anyway so might not matter that much. why does anything anybody say nowadays all hurt so much even if they don't mean it? urgh if only they knew i feel like dying inside, if only they knew the tears flow backwards into my system. what is neglected when it feels more of unwanted now? my tummy hurts too. i just only want one, if not more. one chance to know that someone actually cares and ugh. there's fucking no privacy around here so i can't lock the door and cry my balls out. even if i do they probably hammer the door and ask what's wrong. can't they fucking understand that i don't want to talk about it? fuck, i miss the times when i'd complain to you and you'd make me understand and i'll cry. fuck my mind. i need you now. i really do. i can't bawl my balls out without you. where are you? i love you.

i miss clique because they manage to always be so jumpy and that's funny. i miss everyone. D': why am i here anyway.