listen as the crowd would sing

i spotted this little girl, no older than primary five, staring at me during lunch this afternn.
she gives me this look like how i used to look at older girls when i was young.
the "i wanna be grown up now too" look. smth like that la.
and i thought, she wouldnt even be happy if she were this age now.
how complicated life's been of late. cant imagine how it'd turn out, two or five years later.
i doubt if she knows my life, she'd still wanna be me.
anyhow, i'd gladly trade my life with a kindergartener's anyday. just give me the date and time.

feeling in the mood & cant sleep, so here y' go, little paragraph for any names that pop up in my head. this gon' be a long post in the middle of the night. im weird.

size of paragraph and order of names dont mean anything. like i said the names just pop up.

A&G
sweet (: im happy cuz i thought few weeks ago, things started to improve right. i feel really bad cuz i thought i could juggle the whole friends-all-over-the-place thing during the bbq but in the end, it was more of ME all over the place and i couldnt spend much time around the clique. shit ass sorry. i was midway through a letter for all of you but never got the chance to finish it all. zzz.

1. amanda this is a bit too late already, yep, but thank you for your pretty drawing of my 'daughter' and your very pretty handwriting letter (: i liked being in the same group as you during art coz i can talk random stuffz with you and shoot rayner (HAHAHA) and being in the same group as you = good good art. im v sorry about your birthday this & last year. sighz. tq for being there, i suddenly rmb you touching my hair & comforting me when i was upset in class one day about stuff i'd rather not mention again. :)
2. binbin your letter of advice/encouragement that you wrote to me for the C4L thing, it surprised me coz i didnt think you'd write one to me. tq (: your letter somehow motivated me to study leh, true (; im not close to you, but things are improving, no? i want to get to know you better soon, muackz :) you could be my best silent mate HEHEHE
3. farhana most recent memory of you & me = singapore idol. HAHAHHAHAHA i kept to my words, i really dont watch sg idol anymore yknw. too silly right hahahahahah but y' must still watch and tell me who's out and all :O when it comes to the finals then i go watch hehhheheheheh then can bet with you again who will win who will out. this aside, thanks for being there & loving me (you do right! :S) i love both your green letters you gave to me for C4L too. i'll never forget the tall mate with the green shell of a bag i have (: muackz, i will write letter to you soon heh. thanks for both your 'i love weixian hardcore's too!
4. helena yeap, i cant believe you're going to be fifteen. i cant believe im going to be fifteen too. i miss the days we sleep camwhore dance sing eat laugh draw text chat in class last year too (: life's turning complicated (idk how many times i've complained about it alr) but you were there to guide me through it cuz you're older than me by seven months and HAHAHAHAHA thank you, for being there too. always 'here there and everywhere' (: for texting me back and lulling me to sleep when i used to think too much and get upset before bedtime, for rushing down on the 22nd of may, for always staying close, around me. for scolding me when you thought i deserved it, i admit you opened my eyes and woke me up so i became a better person. lol you sound like god now. bwahahahahahahah love you ttm. muackz.
5. kailing i agree bout the part where you said you thought you 'bonded with me a lot and the whole clique is closer' (: prolly cuz of the time we had in the mornings in school before the class opened. i used to think you dao, but i realised the opposite (: i didnt use to talk to you bout my probs but few weeks back, when things really got to my head, i told you first cuz you were the first person i saw in the mornings :) tq for advising me, really. i like you as a friend too (: cant wait to continue painting toilet doors with you HAHAHAH sounds like fun and dirtyness. OH and thank you, BIG TIME, for using turp to help clean my hair :) i owe you!
6. sharon i liked your birthday letter too cuz it was colourfel and naturally, gr8. (: i like it when you advise me too, you know. i seldom confide in you but when i do, whatever you say helps me mostly. thanks, for that (: i love your unique screaming, but tone it down a little :) i have a bad feeling you'll scream a lot on tuesday while painting man. i dont know why. please dont okay. :) :) muackz.
7. xinhui i guess we arent as close now, but that doesnt matter cuz you're still mine >:} i loved your 'episode' present, you cant believe how touched i was while i read it that very night. yup, i dont cry when im touched so ya. too bad. you moved me coz i dont even remember some events from the book. AND YOU REMEMBERED. i think thats real mean of me. but yknw, your book reminds me of E V E R Y little thing that happened to us :) like that quarrel we had last year that i dont even have a memory of. you used to counsel me, you forced me to talk to him when i was so troubled and you made me cry on your shoulders. im so used to crying on your shoulders that now i cant even cry properly without your shoulders. (i used 'your shoulders' three times in two sentences) thank you, for YOUR SHOULDERS HAHAHAHAHA im sorry i worried you, that day. im sorry i didnt remember our stuffz, thank you for penning them down so i'd remember them forever. for just talking to me. i dont think i'd actually be the me i am now if you werent here (: i almost went in the wrong directions a few times but you pushed my back on track again. muackzzzzzzzz, xinhui the eyeless who cant camwhore cuz she has no eyes ;)

peishan you're texting me now when i feel alone, thanks for that. you were there that day too, double thanks. i can never finish this list of stuffz i can thank you about but eww, will be too gross. too cheesy i guess. i dont think you like it either hahahahahah i miss talking to you too sweetie. i'd glady forgo everything now (i think!) to go back to the past, like how we used to talk about everything under the sun and walking to school from your place and alllllllll. memories never fade. i love you, peishan the htc user. heheheheheheeeeeee

suting you called me and your contact appeared as 'SUTING the topshop bimbo' (: danielle inspired me on that one, i think you're the same in peishan's and danielle's phone too. there were some misunderstanding few weeks back, i guess, but time alone with you solved all right :) remember that you and i swore to be truthful with each other hehehehe i bet thats what improved our relationship the most. love the times where i got to be alone with you lah bitch.

danielle im not that close with you anymore but at least we talk to each other occasionally and you talk to me when you had problems right (: im sorry for the times when i pissed you off, i know that makes it a lot. you piss me off too, and we've had our fair share of conflicts and arguments. in fact, people are bored of us quarreling already hehehehe but we always make up after that right :) rmb the roommates and pug promise hor you my pug's future lays in your hands lmao, love you breasty, more than you can imagine.

abby your name randomly popped up yes. HAHAHAH i dont know you well enough i guess, but past few weeks i talked to you, i realized you know a lot of secrets of mine :) keep them safe thanks. fun to talk to you in the night until your house phone die. HAHAHAHA fun to talk to you and danielle but it wasnt funny when yall gang up to bully me lmao. heh heh i guess there were some stuffz mentioned that i wouldnt tell anyone else (anybody who wants to know, dont bother asking cuz i wont ever tell) sigh. i guess i owe it to no true friends that i got to know you? :)

'merrio' im glad we're out of each other's lives now i guess. to tell the truth, like some people i've told this to, even though i was really happy, i sorta regret the past. i enjoyed myself thoroughly w your company but all good things come to an end, :) silly stuff i did after the break up, i regret them all. the letters, pictures, everything, i reckon they're reduced to ashes / thrown away. well, it should. i deleted the pictures on my phone and all the texts in a moment of fury (?) but i can say that i dont regret it, not really. i still have the pictures in my computer, but why not keep them as memories. :) thanks for all that you given, even the hurtful times too. i grew up. you made me realise a lot of things :) sorry for being selfish, demanding. lol, okay i have nothing to say. maybe continuing this way's the best. all th best t you :)

smiley :) i decided to add your name too, after all. heheheheheh. just for the fun of it. didnt realise at first that we'd still stay in contact after all. anyhow, you still make me laugh once in a while and its quite cool for a friend like you. exams are over so i cant say gl/buck up for the exams, sigh. kay well, im going to sleep too. btw, i dreamt of you as a vampire last night. shit scary.

thats the lot for now, im continuing tmr i guess :) i havent forgotten gmc, yknw.