all coming out, no

something is wrong with blogger in draft but too lazy to switch back to blogger, have a lot on my mind again but dont know where to start. maybe with turning on the lights.

the lights are still not on but im going to continue anyway.

maybe i dont really open up cause im afraid of getting judged like what neonpinknails says. which is true, i dont. who does, only thick skinned ones dont mind -.- doesnt it hurt? i mean having t suffer fxcking remarks frm people who sometimes dont even have the rights to comment.

i left this page for too long doing other shit. lol. maybe im starting to get hooked on the little white stuff i know its bad i know it spoils my tummy but i cant sleep, honestly. this is as close as i can get to sleeping pills, parents say sleeping pills do nothing good for the bod

yeah i sleep, sure. but with all the spammage of dreams and waking up in the middle of the night to check messages, who wants to sleep anymore. and not all the dreams are sweet-flowers-in-the-meadow kind.
ultimately, you were the root of all these. can i say that i can actually put you aside and concentrate on other more important stuff? no.
first day after the chalet i wake up feeling groggy and get dragged out feeling numb. numb i felt, yes, but i still kept thinking of you.
anyone get this so far? like you feel so numb like you can just lie flat anywhere you are.
that was me, except that my mind was numb with images of you. and how i beat myself up inside because of the regret of not having fxcking ballz to ask such a simple thing
i've told myself countless times to do it and yet again.



and i just remembered you're leaving in a few hours. fuck the timings.
honestly if it wasnt so early i would have snuck to the airport to watch you secretly and cry.
please really think it over there. im waiting for your reply.